Loss
posted by Tach at 11:14 AM
Where do I begin? It’s not an easy thing, losing a friend. I’ve lost people before, some before their time, and certainly some who have been closer- if only by blood or marriage. Although I can consider myself “lucky”- I can count them on one hand- it’s not easy to add another to that list. It shouldn’t be, either. Having someone close die is a heartwrenching, devastating experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. It’s not fair, and it’s not right, and even when you see it coming, it’s never, ever easy.
Our good- nay, one of our best- friend Terry Pendt faded away quietly at 2:15am EST on Saturday, February 17, 2006. He had fought a good fight against diabetes and kidney failure for quite a few years. For the last months, he was on dialysis, having fluid filtration to help him function. In January, he was told that it really wasn’t working any longer. It was at that time that he decided that continuing further treatment wouldn’t be worth it, as- in his own words- he’d be “living to treat, not treating to live”. Terry didn’t want to prolong the inevitable, especially if it meant that he’d be in near constant pain, and suffering further debilitating complications from both his kidneys and diabetes.
It took about a month for him to get to the point that he needed to be placed in a hospice. He spent a week there, somewhat aware of his surroundings. His family was around him most of the time. And, finally, staff were there at the end. The nurse was there with Terry, and said he went peacefully. I can only hope so.
I can say that I’m a bit disappointed with how Cambria and I found out. For weeks, we had been expecting THE phone call from Bruce- but it never came. Damien called on Saturday morning, unaware we hadn’t heard. When I returned the call, it seemed to be just another “how are you holding up” conversations that we’d had for a month already. He, along with nearly everyone else, assumed we’d be amongst the first to know. Instead, a change in our plans for Saturday lead me to turn on the PC and check my e-mail, where I saw Bruce’s note.
I sat there, numb for a moment. I knew it had been coming. I knew it was going to happen, but it still hit me like a heavyweight punch to the chest. There was other mail, which I absently clicked on and read. It wasn’t important at the moment- although it would be soon. I was just feeling disconnected. I stood up, aware now that my whole body was leadened and hard to move. I shuffled into the living room where Cambria was, and turned off the TV. I said nothing as I sat down, and put my arms around her, and shuddered.
“Oh no,” she said as she realized what was happening.
She grabbed me hard and we wept.
I don’t know how long we sat there, crying on each other- seemed like a day and a year. She asked me when, and I told her. We both wondered aloud why Bruce hadn’t called. It occurred to us that he was probably having a harder time than we were, and phone calls were just too difficult. I couldn’t have blamed him. But, if we hadn’t put off our trip to the Parks, we wouldn’t have found out for quite a while. I don’t know how I would have reacted then.
Since Saturday afternoon, a million thoughts of Terry have run through our heads. So many memories in the short 4 years we’d known him. So short a time we had. I wouldn’t have traded a moment of that time for anything. At all.
Terry was cantankerous, loyal, obnoxiously observant, blunt, opinionated, funny, grand, outlandish, sincere, pigheaded, sparkly, annoying, loveable, and on rare occasion, warm and fuzzy. He always knew just what to say in order to make you feel good, or bad, or amused. Our best observation was that he took no bullshit- from anyone. If you were wrong, he’d make a point to direct your attention to it. He became rather annoyingly good at it. He always knew what buttons to push. He was a tenacious bulldog, with the memory of an elephant. I can’t say he held grudges, but he had a long memory for past grievances. For some reason, that part of him was easy to get over. “That’s just Terry,” we’d say. And, once whatever it was had been dealt with, he’d be fine. Over and done with whatever the issue was, with no drama.
Heh. He may have been a queen, but not a drama queen. He hated drawn out pathos. It was a bane on his existence. If it had an effect on the here and now, it should be dealt with, and resolved- not saddled on you. Don’t bring it, because it would more than likely be mocked. And boy, was he good at mocking. Too damned good.
When we started modding on Doombuggies, it was similar to other boards I’ve helped with. Nothing out of the ordinary. But, soon after, it seemed that the sense of community could be fostered into something more. A few of us met up for the 2002 Haunted Mansion Holiday event. I remember that my girlfriend at the time was a bit jealous of someone we met there, who she thought was getting a touch too close to me. Heh. That was also the origin of the “Snow White” issue that plagues me to this day. I still roll my eyes at that and laugh.
I remember the “Oogie’s Ghost Walk” pin day- met up with Michael and Johnny & Tabby, and Noah and Bill.
“Where’s Tach?”
“Probably trading in his flannel for black.”
Many a laugh at my expense for being the “token normie”- but I loved it.
Later that month came the first unofficial Doombuggies meet at Disneyworld for the Happy Haunts Ball. Breakfast at the Concourse Steakhouse. Even Elvira showed up. It was only a foreshadowing of things to come.
Terry and Bruce knew that if they could get a small turnout like that for a fansite that only a few folks knew about, then imagine what could be done with some actual promotion in the greater Disney online community. Before Christmas was over, the brainstorming for what would become our best effort began. But it really started to take off in April 2003. April Fool’s Day, actually.
Cambria and I have always held that day as an anniversary. We probably will now more than ever. It was the first time we met. It seemed like the beginning of so many things, as I look back. It certainly cemented most of the friendships we continue to this day. We met Damien for the first time, wherein he gave me a hickey. We ate at Millie’s. Laura got the wrong order- strawberries and cream on her waffles. We saw “Superbride” for the first time. Michael made a funny hat out of a DCA map. We got soaked on back-to-back Grizzly River Rapids rides. The last time I ever went on that. I remember going to House of Blues for dinner. Bruce’s “X’s and boobies” made everyone laugh. The next day was even better- I held her hand for the first time, and never let go. We met Jay, and Genghis, and rode the Pooh ride. We got soaked again on Splash. We acted like complete goofballs all day long. I loved every minute of it. Including that last one… with that first kiss.
A kiss that wouldn’t have happened without Terry.
I owe him and Bruce so much. My life would be completely different if it wasn’t for them. I wouldn’t be this happy. I wouldn’t be married to the love of my life. I wouldn’t have seen or done any of the amazing things I have. But, I wouldn’t be here now, mourning. I wouldn’t have to think about how hard it’s going to be carrying on his legacy. Knowing he won’t be there to show us the way. He was the backbone of what we did. He knew how to run a ship, pardon the expression. Without him, I don’t know if we have what it takes to keep it going the way we have. And frankly, I’m scared we won’t. It’s hard. It’s tough. Terry helped build what we have. Knowing we have to continue without him… it’s daunting.
But I have to try. We owe it to him to keep going. No matter what. If we just cashed in and quit, Terry’d have us on a spit. He’d lambaste us for not being up to the task- if we didn’t want to work this hard, we shouldn’t have signed up. I can hear him, clear as day. Go. Keep going. Don’t ever stop doing what you love. It’s what life is all about.
I just hope I can honor him by doing what I love to do. We rode the Mansion in a bit of a tribute to Terry on Sunday. We remembered our first trip through. And our second, where we couldn’t stop giggling.
Bruce told us that even that first day, he and Terry knew we’d be getting together. They dreaded what would happen if we broke up, but they had hopes for us. Bruce said that even though he didn’t bring it up often, Terry loved us. He honestly cared for us. I knew it, though. In every laugh, and every snide comment. He did say it once or twice when the occasion called for it. But we knew how much he cared. And he knew how much we cared. How much we loved him. He was so much more than a friend. He, and Bruce, and Nate, and Reid, and Craig, and Deena, and Megan, and Jen and Jeff, Deb and Dave, and Joe, and Jess, and Jay, and Scott, and good old Jolly, and Sharon, and Damien and Allison, and Tim and Angela, and Cory, and Brian and Chris, and Bill, and Heather and Laura, and Genghis, and Michael, and Noah, and Heather, and all the rest… they’re family. I love each and every one of you. Everything we’ve been through, the ups and downs. All of our good times together have just filled me with such happiness.
It always amazed Bruce how we’ve managed to touch so many people. Terry just took it in stride. Part of the magic, it was. Just being able to bring some happiness to folks. We were so far into the planning and doing, we hardly noticed the collections of people who came to connect, to enjoy what we were doing. That isn’t to say we didn’t care. We enjoyed the hell out of seeing everyone and being a part of it all. We also enjoyed the hard parts, pulling it all off, making sure others had a great time. That was fun for us.
We got to share a lot with Terry. Had some extraordinary times with him. I’m just incredibly saddened to know that he can’t be there first hand anymore. I say first hand- because he’ll always be there. Anytime we meet our friends. Every time we call someone a tard. On any and all grand occasion where the whole crew gets together for a meet. On our trips to Disney anywhere. When we celebrate our anniversaries. When I look at old photos. When I think about the future. If we have a child.
Funny bit on that- Cambria mentioned Sunday that she had the notion that if we did have a kid- they would have to get to know their Uncle Bruce and Aunt Terry. I mentioned that I know Terry would have insisted on being the aunt. It’s funnier. It still will be, someday, possibly…
I guess that what I’ll miss the most, is the sense of something else almost ready to happen. Something else- more than likely good- was out there, waiting to show itself to us. Ready to make our day. Opportunity was always right around the corner. We were never stagnant, ready to make every moment count.
Actually, I’ve just remembered something that I’ll miss even more than that. Terry inspired me more in one way than any other. He instilled in me the thought that you always need to take a chance. With one statement, that always rang true.
“What’s the worst they can say? No?”
Don’t hesitate. Always push for it. Always ask. Go.
What’s the worst they can say?
Terry- words can’t say how much I’ll miss you. You were such a big part of my life. It’s not fair you left so early. But- don’t go changin’. We’ll see you again. In the meantime, do me a favor and take it easy. You earned a bit of a respite before the next round. I don’t have to say don’t take anybody’s shit- because I know you won’t.
Bye, Terry. Thanks for… everything. Love you.
Our good- nay, one of our best- friend Terry Pendt faded away quietly at 2:15am EST on Saturday, February 17, 2006. He had fought a good fight against diabetes and kidney failure for quite a few years. For the last months, he was on dialysis, having fluid filtration to help him function. In January, he was told that it really wasn’t working any longer. It was at that time that he decided that continuing further treatment wouldn’t be worth it, as- in his own words- he’d be “living to treat, not treating to live”. Terry didn’t want to prolong the inevitable, especially if it meant that he’d be in near constant pain, and suffering further debilitating complications from both his kidneys and diabetes.
It took about a month for him to get to the point that he needed to be placed in a hospice. He spent a week there, somewhat aware of his surroundings. His family was around him most of the time. And, finally, staff were there at the end. The nurse was there with Terry, and said he went peacefully. I can only hope so.
I can say that I’m a bit disappointed with how Cambria and I found out. For weeks, we had been expecting THE phone call from Bruce- but it never came. Damien called on Saturday morning, unaware we hadn’t heard. When I returned the call, it seemed to be just another “how are you holding up” conversations that we’d had for a month already. He, along with nearly everyone else, assumed we’d be amongst the first to know. Instead, a change in our plans for Saturday lead me to turn on the PC and check my e-mail, where I saw Bruce’s note.
I sat there, numb for a moment. I knew it had been coming. I knew it was going to happen, but it still hit me like a heavyweight punch to the chest. There was other mail, which I absently clicked on and read. It wasn’t important at the moment- although it would be soon. I was just feeling disconnected. I stood up, aware now that my whole body was leadened and hard to move. I shuffled into the living room where Cambria was, and turned off the TV. I said nothing as I sat down, and put my arms around her, and shuddered.
“Oh no,” she said as she realized what was happening.
She grabbed me hard and we wept.
I don’t know how long we sat there, crying on each other- seemed like a day and a year. She asked me when, and I told her. We both wondered aloud why Bruce hadn’t called. It occurred to us that he was probably having a harder time than we were, and phone calls were just too difficult. I couldn’t have blamed him. But, if we hadn’t put off our trip to the Parks, we wouldn’t have found out for quite a while. I don’t know how I would have reacted then.
Since Saturday afternoon, a million thoughts of Terry have run through our heads. So many memories in the short 4 years we’d known him. So short a time we had. I wouldn’t have traded a moment of that time for anything. At all.
Terry was cantankerous, loyal, obnoxiously observant, blunt, opinionated, funny, grand, outlandish, sincere, pigheaded, sparkly, annoying, loveable, and on rare occasion, warm and fuzzy. He always knew just what to say in order to make you feel good, or bad, or amused. Our best observation was that he took no bullshit- from anyone. If you were wrong, he’d make a point to direct your attention to it. He became rather annoyingly good at it. He always knew what buttons to push. He was a tenacious bulldog, with the memory of an elephant. I can’t say he held grudges, but he had a long memory for past grievances. For some reason, that part of him was easy to get over. “That’s just Terry,” we’d say. And, once whatever it was had been dealt with, he’d be fine. Over and done with whatever the issue was, with no drama.
Heh. He may have been a queen, but not a drama queen. He hated drawn out pathos. It was a bane on his existence. If it had an effect on the here and now, it should be dealt with, and resolved- not saddled on you. Don’t bring it, because it would more than likely be mocked. And boy, was he good at mocking. Too damned good.
When we started modding on Doombuggies, it was similar to other boards I’ve helped with. Nothing out of the ordinary. But, soon after, it seemed that the sense of community could be fostered into something more. A few of us met up for the 2002 Haunted Mansion Holiday event. I remember that my girlfriend at the time was a bit jealous of someone we met there, who she thought was getting a touch too close to me. Heh. That was also the origin of the “Snow White” issue that plagues me to this day. I still roll my eyes at that and laugh.
I remember the “Oogie’s Ghost Walk” pin day- met up with Michael and Johnny & Tabby, and Noah and Bill.
“Where’s Tach?”
“Probably trading in his flannel for black.”
Many a laugh at my expense for being the “token normie”- but I loved it.
Later that month came the first unofficial Doombuggies meet at Disneyworld for the Happy Haunts Ball. Breakfast at the Concourse Steakhouse. Even Elvira showed up. It was only a foreshadowing of things to come.
Terry and Bruce knew that if they could get a small turnout like that for a fansite that only a few folks knew about, then imagine what could be done with some actual promotion in the greater Disney online community. Before Christmas was over, the brainstorming for what would become our best effort began. But it really started to take off in April 2003. April Fool’s Day, actually.
Cambria and I have always held that day as an anniversary. We probably will now more than ever. It was the first time we met. It seemed like the beginning of so many things, as I look back. It certainly cemented most of the friendships we continue to this day. We met Damien for the first time, wherein he gave me a hickey. We ate at Millie’s. Laura got the wrong order- strawberries and cream on her waffles. We saw “Superbride” for the first time. Michael made a funny hat out of a DCA map. We got soaked on back-to-back Grizzly River Rapids rides. The last time I ever went on that. I remember going to House of Blues for dinner. Bruce’s “X’s and boobies” made everyone laugh. The next day was even better- I held her hand for the first time, and never let go. We met Jay, and Genghis, and rode the Pooh ride. We got soaked again on Splash. We acted like complete goofballs all day long. I loved every minute of it. Including that last one… with that first kiss.
A kiss that wouldn’t have happened without Terry.
I owe him and Bruce so much. My life would be completely different if it wasn’t for them. I wouldn’t be this happy. I wouldn’t be married to the love of my life. I wouldn’t have seen or done any of the amazing things I have. But, I wouldn’t be here now, mourning. I wouldn’t have to think about how hard it’s going to be carrying on his legacy. Knowing he won’t be there to show us the way. He was the backbone of what we did. He knew how to run a ship, pardon the expression. Without him, I don’t know if we have what it takes to keep it going the way we have. And frankly, I’m scared we won’t. It’s hard. It’s tough. Terry helped build what we have. Knowing we have to continue without him… it’s daunting.
But I have to try. We owe it to him to keep going. No matter what. If we just cashed in and quit, Terry’d have us on a spit. He’d lambaste us for not being up to the task- if we didn’t want to work this hard, we shouldn’t have signed up. I can hear him, clear as day. Go. Keep going. Don’t ever stop doing what you love. It’s what life is all about.
I just hope I can honor him by doing what I love to do. We rode the Mansion in a bit of a tribute to Terry on Sunday. We remembered our first trip through. And our second, where we couldn’t stop giggling.
Bruce told us that even that first day, he and Terry knew we’d be getting together. They dreaded what would happen if we broke up, but they had hopes for us. Bruce said that even though he didn’t bring it up often, Terry loved us. He honestly cared for us. I knew it, though. In every laugh, and every snide comment. He did say it once or twice when the occasion called for it. But we knew how much he cared. And he knew how much we cared. How much we loved him. He was so much more than a friend. He, and Bruce, and Nate, and Reid, and Craig, and Deena, and Megan, and Jen and Jeff, Deb and Dave, and Joe, and Jess, and Jay, and Scott, and good old Jolly, and Sharon, and Damien and Allison, and Tim and Angela, and Cory, and Brian and Chris, and Bill, and Heather and Laura, and Genghis, and Michael, and Noah, and Heather, and all the rest… they’re family. I love each and every one of you. Everything we’ve been through, the ups and downs. All of our good times together have just filled me with such happiness.
It always amazed Bruce how we’ve managed to touch so many people. Terry just took it in stride. Part of the magic, it was. Just being able to bring some happiness to folks. We were so far into the planning and doing, we hardly noticed the collections of people who came to connect, to enjoy what we were doing. That isn’t to say we didn’t care. We enjoyed the hell out of seeing everyone and being a part of it all. We also enjoyed the hard parts, pulling it all off, making sure others had a great time. That was fun for us.
We got to share a lot with Terry. Had some extraordinary times with him. I’m just incredibly saddened to know that he can’t be there first hand anymore. I say first hand- because he’ll always be there. Anytime we meet our friends. Every time we call someone a tard. On any and all grand occasion where the whole crew gets together for a meet. On our trips to Disney anywhere. When we celebrate our anniversaries. When I look at old photos. When I think about the future. If we have a child.
Funny bit on that- Cambria mentioned Sunday that she had the notion that if we did have a kid- they would have to get to know their Uncle Bruce and Aunt Terry. I mentioned that I know Terry would have insisted on being the aunt. It’s funnier. It still will be, someday, possibly…
I guess that what I’ll miss the most, is the sense of something else almost ready to happen. Something else- more than likely good- was out there, waiting to show itself to us. Ready to make our day. Opportunity was always right around the corner. We were never stagnant, ready to make every moment count.
Actually, I’ve just remembered something that I’ll miss even more than that. Terry inspired me more in one way than any other. He instilled in me the thought that you always need to take a chance. With one statement, that always rang true.
“What’s the worst they can say? No?”
Don’t hesitate. Always push for it. Always ask. Go.
What’s the worst they can say?
Terry- words can’t say how much I’ll miss you. You were such a big part of my life. It’s not fair you left so early. But- don’t go changin’. We’ll see you again. In the meantime, do me a favor and take it easy. You earned a bit of a respite before the next round. I don’t have to say don’t take anybody’s shit- because I know you won’t.
Bye, Terry. Thanks for… everything. Love you.
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